Last year I struggled with motherhood. I was pregnant with my 4th, 4 in 5 years. I didn't think I could handle another kid, I was still getting the hang of 3. I love each one of my children with my whole heart and I worry daily about them. I want to be the best mom and an amazing wife. I have had a heard time finding joy in all the chaos. I was a very ambitious college student, I worked hard and have always wanted to get my degree. I had plans to travel and experience life, but then I met my husband and married at a young age. I still went to school, then I had Scotlyn and schooling slowed, then I had Ethan and schooling stopped. I still want to finish and earn that degree, but it's not going to be for a while. I have watched my sisters and sister in laws achieve things I am envious of. World Travel, College graduates, missions, and spontaneous trips. I have had to change my priorities and learn to be grateful for the many blessings I have! I have 4 beautiful, healthy, happy children! I have an amazing Husband who works hard so I can stay at home with our children. I have amazing family members that live nearby and are willing to help out when I need a break. I have an Amazing Mother who is so knowledgeable and I who have an amazing friendship with!
This year, 2014, my number 1 goal is all about me. It has taken more sacrifice on my part, less sleep, but it has been worth it! I want my children to see a happy mom. I want to set the tone in our home. I want to find the joy in every little moment. This all requires me to make better choices and start doing! I get up at 4:45 am and I take care me. I workout, which helps immensely with my sanity. I really feel it on those days I sleep in and miss my runs. I read my scriptures and read personal development. I know Personal Development, Hahaha! I was a critic, but give it a chance, you will love it! I am more prepared for my day when it starts with prayer and scripture. I am at peace and more in tune. I get so much done before my sweet little monsters wake-up! I have learned so much this last month about myself and I love the new me!
I have made goals to build people up and compliment others often. I know so many amazing women, who inspire me daily and they probably have no idea how I feel about them! I am going to let everyone know how amazing I think they are. I am going to choose to love everyone and never judge. No one knows the struggles that others go through. I don't want to be judged and have people think I don't appreciate my family! I am going to let everyone know how thankful I am for them.
Now, how to deal with a 5 year old Drama queen. A 3 year old sugar addict who won't eat anything healthy and throws a fit when I won't let him eat bread, cereal and cookies all day long. A CRAZY 2 year old, who has food sensitivities and is currently potting training, and has no problem touching poop! Have you ever seen Baby Mamma? The part where she licks her boys finger that had chocolate on it. And the friend asks "What if that had been poop?" With Madeline you would never lick her finger it is most likely poop! I have had poop thrown at me, I have had it handed to me in a bowl, pot, towel. She has even used the play kitchen sink as a toilet! I have found it painted all over the bathroom. She is very independent and want to do it all by herself and so I leave the bathroom and she can make a mess real quick! And the poor girl is the size of a 1 year old, so getting on and off the toilet is tricky. Last, but not least a 7 month old Angel who gets put on the ground a lot. Lillian is the sweetest baby and just knows that I love her, but I can't hold her right now.
I most definitely do not have all the answers and I am far from perfect, but I have learned to be more grateful. When I am frustrated I try to think of all the things I love about my children. I walk away for a moment and come back when I am calm and try to talk to whoever is upset. I have learned to rely on my Savior. When one of my kids is throwing a fit I take that moment to try to understand their feelings and for me to keep calm, then I try to talk to them and I say a prayer with them and tell them that Heavenly Father is there to help us. It usually calms the situation. I have had a hard time turning to the Lord for help, he is the first I should turn to. He knows what I am capable of and for some crazy reason thought I needed to have 4 crazy kids in 5 years. In one of the Personal Development books I listened too, it says to take a moment to write down everything you did that day and are grateful for, don't worry about what didn't get done or your failures. Focus on the good!
I am far from perfect and I have my days , but I want to look back on this post and remind myself to find the joy in the chaos and focus on that!
Love my beautiful, fun, crazy, family!
